Emptiness...

Wednesday night.. after a long time..

feeling cold in the hot summer night

there was a time when I slept listening to your heartbeat..

------

for fuck’s sake, let us go through that,
the way we sipped hot tea on a sidewalk
in sweltering and yet soothing Kangra heat to cool off, 

a timeless journey.. and timeless memories.

------
a paradox I can swear by;
witnessed at high noon beside me
your shadow casts a trivial shadow
baring the world ahead as a matter of fact,

thus I am trapped zigzagging between
lurid darkness and nebulous nothingness
to the shell and husk of you

lying on my bed after I had watched
the love and the person walk out,
leaving only a stale periphery of
what had gone by to show off, 

and puff......
a cigarette, sun filtering through curtains
like everything in the brazen past,
which appeared rosy in remoteness..

your skin, your ruggedness your heartbeat

gone... 

------

I still lay awake on my bed with an empty heart..

a gap.. created ... for never to be filled.

Silence...... the solitude!

Saturday night ... again...

admist the lonely days and wearing evenings....I greed for one night...
a solitary moment... a passionate kiss..a flamboyant glance...
----
a blissfull night... a night where I crave for you..... for our breath to be one..
i desire ...
a bottomless solitude, the dwindling fire-flames; an inconceivable longing for the puerile secrecy and silence of the stars...
 ------
past the blissful moment, there would be nothing again. So much for so little?

  they say... wait for dawn if you intend to wander, the night is too thick....

----

Was it love? or what!

May be it was love...
under the deep blue moon
the moon.. in love with the sun...
and I, in love with you...




I remember the passion... 
which we shared....
the smell of your body..
Virile and Manly.


all came to  halt, 
when you gave me your left hand...
a hand to cling...
for eternity...


I remember the nights
We shared!
sweaty nights,
smelly nights
disturbing, lovely, naked nights...
we stood there... caressing our bodies.... bare...


virile and effete
angelic or demonic
---
we stood on our feet
in an apathetic nakedness..
going in an unknown world..




all was turbulant, 
like when a volcano 
meets a tornedo..
still i remember it.


was it love?
it all dissappeared 
like the smell of your body..

was it pain...
or pleasure.


I found a note one day...
"Good bye", was all it said.




it was not love, I guess!
it was a game...
 an intense game
and I –
merely one of it’s pawns
was feasted upon..mercilessly..

The lost "ME"

Those were the times,
when the moonlight shone with all its glory
and the poems
I’d written -
sparkled;
as though
specters outlined the hues
without substance
when words came,
wearing forever an affable guise of
earthly bliss.

I missed my friends, companions, lovers
one fine day..
their scent came...!
lingering musically in the horizon-
how far away,
close to silence,
and yet; so very clear

I wait near the window
looking at the stars.
as if they are,
the testimonials of immortal pain-
the pain which crawls under my skin.

my face shows the
amiable signs which survive
everything that was exquisite,
remains behind
the enduring the i faced under celestial veil

and meanwhile,
my only solace exists
in resurrection of
memory, the aftertaste and reflection of
the body which had sinned, but the spirit
redeemed ..

I scribble these verses,
only to tear ‘em up,
throw the ramblings unread
into a fire

and yet, you never know..
as the blistered pages sparkle
dwindling into
smoke which feels like heaven..

feels like life...
life which I have to see..
live...
bear..
and walk alone...


--------------

I feel lonely!