The Last Bow

As my life grows by,
my heart reverberates vaguely,
eyes wander inquiringly—

I expected to hear loud explosions
of your heartbeat… your artificial smile,
witness the blue cigarette  smoke curling,
masquerading your face…

You devoured me… with your artificial smile,
the blue smoke, your breath, engulfed me…
the hatred and love in your blue eyes
in the chilly winter day……. ahhhhhhhh!

The cold still travels with me
it envelopes like a shell,
Yes, its a dreary life… and yet….


I think i’ve hardly lived….
despised my family, left my responsibilities…
but in these final moments,
when life is at the verge of engulfing me…

I am again up for sale—
I wish someone had a proposition.


Duh!

The Crying River....!!

As the light of the day fades,

its rhythmic clang reverberates vaguely,

eyes search for a glance…

and one wants to see..

loud colors of ,

an artificial combustion;

They gather… in numbers, to

Witness the blue smoke curling,

the masquerades falling

over a dead heart,

over a dead soul.

---------------------

And the river billows along-

its gray warm waves beaten up

by an indifferent chilly wind;

Shaken by the slap,

A jerk, A cut, that you gave…

And yet once again the river shreaks..

falling back on their dark, sloppy sides

with a hiss --

the cold travels with me

it envelopes like a shell

Yes, I am crying… and Yes.. I m dying,

Inside……..!!

----------------

I hardly think I’ve lived,

except during many instants when,

plunged in dreams I permitted,

you to destroy me, kill me, ruin me;

as you discern the desire

melting from my eyes,

and in the final moments… Puff!

You were gone,

Now I sit along the crying river…. Its so calm,

And yes I m here sitting alone, crying

Dying, sobbing ….. But..!!

I am up for sale --

I wish you had a proposition.. 

Me Against Myself-again!

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”