So you know Cooking?

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“Wear the new suit that I got you on your birthday”, screamed my father.
“I don’t bloody want to go, Father”, I blurted.
“This time you are not going to make fool out of me any longer. This girl is highly qualified and her father is a doctor himself”, dad said.
So here I was caught in the scene between my mother, father and myself. All they talk now a days is about my marriage and how the thousand girls that are waiting for me, so I feel like king sometimes and how great I am that there are so many fathers who want their daughter s to get married to me (and then I laugh inside, the kind of the world laugh- he ha hu hu ha ha, me is great, me is genius laugh)
“Are you bloody listening to me”, my father said.
“Yes, Father.” His screaming brought me out of my fantasy kingdom, where I do my notorious and evil laugh.
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So here we were sitting in a fancy restaurant in Chandigarh waiting for the other “Party” to come. I was looking quiet handsome but my father looked more scared and excited like the girl was going to come and see him.
“Dad, don’t ask silly questions in front of them please”, I Said.
“What now, am I invisible? father”, I asked.
My father was just about to answer my question with a very angry look on his face but suddenly he started smiling and his eyes got all lit.
I got the idea that “they” had arrived.
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“Namaste, beta” the man with the really big and crocked nose said.
“Namaste Uncle”, I replied.
Namaste’s were exchanged and for a moment everything went silent.
The most uncomfortable time had already started just in the beginning, I thought.
How are we going to spend the rest of the evening................God, please help me i said to myself.
“Did you say something, son” the man said.
“Coffee, uncle” I replied.
Coffee! Where did that come in between, I thought.
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Coffee sir! The waiter said.
Two black, one espresso and one Cafe au lait !
Black coffee, so pretentious! “I thought.
“What do u do son?
How do u do that?
Where do you do that?
What is this?
What is that and bla bla...
The old man just kept asking questions and with each question his nose looked bigger.
I just wanted to kill that old man that time. He was so irritating.
Only these two words came into my mind all the time- UG-LEE!
I was just wondering that how could someone live with such a big paunch and a nose big enough to fit a Mercedes Benz.
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“Can you cook food?” the girl asked me.
“What the fuck”, I thought.
That was it! My mercury level had gone really high.
Then she asked me those entire silly questions about how she likes to be independent and going out late with friends and how she hates working home and washing clothes and doing the dishes and many other things which the MAHARANI hated.
All I wanted to do was put the fork in my ears but as my dad has ordered, I was being very nice, nodding once or twice. Smiling a bit and saying thank you and please all the time.
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One hour had gone by and it seemed like 100 hours. I was bored to death and that suit was hurting my nut sack. My temper was also going high from the silly question those pretentious people were asking. I felt like the Bakra(male goat) who is fed before being beheaded.
Then suddenly I felt offended, I don’t know why but I really felt bad and I revolted.

“What is your future plans, son?” The man under the big nose said.
“Well, I am going to quit my current job in few months and then I will prepare for IAS exams for one or two year”, I replied proudly.

The man under the nose looked shocked (Man under the nose, wow!)
(Me is again genius)
“So how will you feed your wife?” he asked.
“Well my wife will work and feed me for the time being”, I said.
I moved my head while sipping my cafe au lait and had a look at my dad’s face. It was red and was definitely not looking happy with me.
“You are disowned from today onward”, i thought of him saying that later on.
So we asked for the cheque. The waiter came with the Cheque and placed it on the table. Obviously we paid for it. I mean the “nose” didn’t even say once that he wants to pay. So shameless!

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So we came home without even uttering a word on the way back. It was just like the other interview we went through.
Suddenly my dad said,” Do you know cocking?” “Did you hear that bitch?”

And we laughed and laughed all the way home!