Another day on the couch!

“Again, here I was sitting on my couch and I love it sitting and watching T V, Eating”
So I ask myself, is this all you want to do with your life…………..pheww!
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I get catapulted into the vastness of my sins, through my static and halted life in the clustered vastness. It seems like I’m flying in the vicious circle of life and death and most importantly; you & I (you; who said that you would call but never called…fuck you!)

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Over the years, I’ve become an expert on my myriad failures of self-knowledge. I did not intend to write anything and I am not exactly ‘writing’ ..

I read few blogs after a long time today and wanted to post ‘something’. The inability to write speaks eloquently about my basic design flaw. The fact remains that our most potent and necessary dreams can derive from simple misunderstanding.

I was slow to comprehend that my dream of becoming an “actor”, “an artist”, ‘writer’ actually was a mask for more urgent need - to escape failures .. the insistent everyday failures ..

So when I lost my inner child to the mundane things, I gave up my dreams to be famous and rich… well! Who doesn’t want that !
i kept lying to me all my life, I became and engineer and passed out with flying colors from such a good school… I was not happy.

Though my dad was!

I got admission into one of the good B-Schools, but I was not happy!

Again my was father was proud!


from there on the pen, or rather the keyboard lay dead under my cramped fingers. It is as if all the letters of the alphabet, all combinations of letters into words, all the infinite possibilities of written language has ceased to exist.


I gave up my theater in college… as if my life was finished. I never went on the stage again….. all the infinite possibilities of expressing myself vanished.
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Well here I go again revealing my failures to you…. to the mean world… I know you be laughing.. but I don’t fucking care…………….. because that was my decision five years ago to leave the stage, to kill my dreams………… to give up writing …

So one day I got up… went to the temple and came back … and it was a different me..
The scared one.. one who has replaced his obsolete counterpart. The fresh "going to be engineer" me.


Most of us remain children all our lives, perpetually attracted to all wrong things, repeatedly falling for everything that is cheap and superficial.
I’ve discovered the intense pleasures inherent in defeat and I practice failure which forever shall remain my sole grace.

I cherish my failures because I know that was my personal decision
There is perverse pleasure in pain, in suffering and even in humiliation. I know I will be humiliated, laughed upon but I will never be ashamed as I know the reality.

I grew up, I was not attracted to the wrong things……………….I was me… and scared… life seemed so ambiguous.

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The shape of every following day is an articulate statement of impending defeat. I could have blamed it on luck. Aah .. life screwed me and its luck which made me ( you) a loser but its something you or I wanted to be without knowing it.


So now here I am, flying in the space in My dreams.. sitting on my couch….
I stand and fly and roll and what not .. among the one million possibilities of life..

I could never understand what’s happening to me, and I lacked the ability to stand for myself but now I know that I am me because I chose to be me… a m ix of rejuvenation and relief lingers me when I think of this….


I made mistakes in choosing my career, in choosing my partner in choosing my life….
I got hurt … but now I m here…. With my couch and TV and a can of diet cock(read coke)

Well all isn’t lost, and life goes on… like the repeats of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Sienfelf and all my favorite shows..


Life will move on and I will keep watching the repeats…………..thats me…duh!



PS- I don’t know what I hve written,, everything got mixed.. plz let me know in comments if you find it stupid.