Glassy waters are my tears!

Doleful music of autumn

Lovely yet Sad--

How it stings my heart

like the refrain of

a familiar song

treasured in spring --

for an instant

my eyes are stuck

as wrath, and lament

chokes my utterance

prickled in veins

by tingling desires--

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I remember --

our brief togetherness

undead feelings shared;

a nameless journey, amongst love usually-

a void, an odor, dark and languid,

the scent of a passionate body.

Most of all, I remember your lies

theatrical, enacted on a tiny stage

for a tidily audience; you & I.

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I’d constrain myself

till the monsoon sinks

below glassy waters—

below the glassy water.. i see you!

moving into oblivion.....

My heart dying with your each step.

I keep looking at your shadow..

till the tawny fringe of

apathetic moon

rises indolently

on horizon’s edge..

A Reverie--- from the past!

What are Words?
To me, Words are an inseparable part of my life,
Phthisical paradigm, an alter ego.

What are words?
Words as conventionally detrimental as they
ought to have moved you into the oblivion,
as I set them down
the irony of their falseness and yet, their reality haunts me!

I know my life with your was never safe,
An enigma, a slow death...........!
I was dead for few months.


but i have awaken now...like a phoenix.. form the ashes of your love!
I saw, I felt, plain virtues in a man, whose
miniature vices could no longer harm me, you are
a daylight ravager, the robber of predictabilities

living with you was never safe, I sat enclosed
in a mist of uncertainty, I was blinded by your love,
I still am.... but something has changed in me,
something is not the same now.

But still I covet for your body and your love.
The love still wakes me at night....heavily sweating..
with a tumultuous uproar.



smoldering with phantasmagoria, an alien faith,
its liturgy and rites abhorrent, incorrigible perversity,
whatever was declared to be truth; a shameful fakery;


And now I know ..I am only bored ..
and yes... i m still sitting on my couch...smiling...
again a shameful fakery........

Portrayal of a Man-"HIM"

Sitting on the Couch! Today, i feel a sharp pang... not in my body but in the soul!

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Engulfed by the new-found urgency for a lover in my life....
hugging my teddy at night, i couldn't sleep for hours.....................................

-------
I woke up hearing the chirping of birds outside my window....it encapsulated me in the trauma...
pain of being alone...... unable to find my soul mate......... a lover............a part of me!

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I decided to capture "HIM" on the canvas..... on the paper... on internet.........but all in vain..

I still see the image of "Me and HIM"... rapt in love... cuddling and kissing......... and all!

-----
It gave me a hard time... I wasn't "Me" for quiet a long time............. I searched for "HIM" in my classmates... gym pals... and god know where............but still.... I was alone.... but not lonely!

----
Tried capturing "HIM" on the computer, on the canvas... but at last I sat down and scribbled something and then started drawing..switching from pencils and charcoals to pens and markers, a riskier medium, since each stroke was committed indelibly to paper,
my imagination took over, supplying from memory,intrinsic shading, cross-hatching shadows, and blackness of those eyes lit up by the magical incandescence of my kisses
their lofty plumes broken by silvery glaucous tones....

with each stroke of the pencil, "HE" started appearing in front of my... i could see his eyes and face and lips... and a part of his body that belonged to me only...........

I could spend a lifetime shading and refining one drawing as he revealed his body to my pencils and brushes... the body that I so seeked for... a warm chest to hug and a caressing lips to feel................


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Suddenly, the wind blows and "HE" flies out of the window..... into the infinity...
taking me back into reality where I was still alone...still in search for "HIM"

I wanted to continue my search for "HIM".... but then I realised... This is what is called LIFE.... so I left the pen.. pencil...charcoal... grabbed remote control of the TV and sat for for hours.......... where i belonged......... on the COUCH!


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