Defying Gravity

“Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
D efying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!”

I across this song while surfing through the gazillion useless TV channels. it just gave chills down my spine..... The meaning, The words and everything just resembled my life....... and guess what ! the one character who was singing is also cast as gay in the series.. the name of the series is GLEE and the song is “Defying Gravity”.

I have listened to this song for like... 100 times now and I still can’t forget the face of the guy, while he was singing......



Just reminds me of a friend..................who wanted to sing this song when we studied in college!

So proud of what he was and yet so emphatic about how he wanted to live his life.

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He knew since he was 5 years old that he is somewhat different, he got inured to peoples comments...to the stingy eyes.... to the rude comments and last but not the least to his fathers ever increasing expectations. Surprisingly each passing day made him more strong................ his strength overshadowed his fear........The fear of being himself!



Whenever he looked in his father’s eyes....he felt a tenuous cloud floating around him...... a partition so feeble and yet so strong............... He could see that his father had already found out.... his father was not a dumbo... though himself a strong mechanic... rugged guy....he could see what his boy was growing into.....................
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I mean..... for god’s sake.... he was 21 and wore a maskara and skin tight jeans to the MED SCHOOL where he was studying..








We were attending our Anatomy class one day and I got a SMS......

“Solo Song competition for boys and girls... entries for first year MBBS students only.”


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“I thought you liked singing” I asked him.

“Yes Ialready registered for Girls solo"...............he said.



“What”?
I said instantaneously with my mouth wide open..

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I heard the song he wanted to sing............... it made me cry..........so much so good......
I cried and cried and cried.... and he cried and cried and cried........ I mean we both cried.. duh!



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I went to his home to help him with practice so that I could listen to his high F notes which were required to sing the song.....

It seemed like a masquerade, a girl trapped in a boy’s body...... he was practicing and I was standing there..... his face gleamed and looked so bright...... he sang the song that day ..... for a petty audience; me.

It just went straight into my heart..... his gleaming face frozen in my mind ! forever!

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I could feel his pain..... his inner child crying to be set free.....

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We practiced for many days. He and one other girl got in a "tie" to sing the same song.......
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“Yaar, wish me luck, tomorrow is the tie breaker round and they will choose one of us to sing this song”. he said.

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We went to his home that day and practiced full night.

Suddenly in the morning one phone call came..............his dad picked up the phone.

“Hello”, yes speaking... His dad replied on the phone.


“Your son is a FAG..... F-A-G.... got it! and damn ask him to let us sleep and die” anonymous called said.



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My friend heard the conversation over the same line extension in his room.
I was sitting there too. but i knew he was strong. he will win this competition and will show all that he is not a fag.

Though his dad were pretty much angry and sad at the same.....But moreover he was hurt.... Hurt not because his son was a F-A-G, but he cared and loved him so much...... and yes he was a bit hurt from the anonymous calls though'

but he didn't utter a word..

He just came over and said......... I love you son and I'm with you always!
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The final day came...

The competition started....


I knew my friend will hit the high A or high C or whatever not he told me..

-----they started...
one by one....
it was awesome... my friend was so much ahead........ of the girl......even the girl was awesome.
the sounds of magic filled the auditorium. people were amazed...... but!
in the end he screwed it up.... How could he do that? i asked this to myself.... i had heard him thousand times.... and this was not he sounded like at home.

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So the girl got the song.. and he was out of the competition.......
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It was our anatomy practical class and i didn't find him in the college that day.........

I went off to his home to see where he was but he didn't answer the phone.


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When I reached home ... I found the same voice coming from the garage....... I helped myself in with the key that he had given me.......


That was it!
He was singing....... simultaneously hitting the keys on the piano.. nobody could guess, those crumpled fingers could play ...... he stood still in the dark.......His scrawny body trembling..

His face gleaming..... eyes bright...........
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He started it......... I felt something in my heart... as if it had stopped beating............. the voice was so flamboyant and exuberant............. I could never believe that he could not hit that high P or whatever note at the competition.......It was not him..... He would have done it easily..


But what the heck...... He sang so easily.....without efforts.... and .......... he did it......

He hit that note.......... with perfection.......... marvelous! I thought.


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Tears started rolling down my eyes............. He saw me and came to me........ his brightly lit eyes filled with tears...... told me everything...........We didn't utter a word.....

Everything was silent...... I hated silence..... But that day ........silence did its work....It brought us near..............and I came to know that

He was proud but he was sensible.................

I knew he did that on purpose..... he loved his dad more than he loved singing.............more than he loved being famous... more than his dreams!

He knew that a one phone call shook his dad....... what would have happened if he had sung that song in front of 500 people.......It would have killed his dad.....there was a small and insecure man inside that muscular frame... which my friend knew..........

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He was brave! not a coward............ He won silently.

in my heart...... in his eyes.............. he finally hit the high “F” note. yes high “F”!

for those who want to listen to this song..... Click Here